ONE LINERS
Today 4 out of 5 doctors recommend another doctor.
I stopped taking tranquilizers. I was starting to be nice to people I didn't even want to talk to.
New pill to increase virility. It backfired and I got hemorrhoids.
We used to take life with a grain of salt. Now it is with 5
milligrams of Valium.
My mom takes so many Iron tablets the only time she feels good is when she's facing magnetic north. My brothers are fighting over her mineral rights.
A young housewife asked her friend, "What is that you're taking --The pill?"
"No it's a tranquilizer. I forgot to take the pill."
Do your drug experimenting on politicians.
Miracle drug--Anything that will do 25% as much as the label says.
Miracle drug--Anything the kids will take without screaming.
The doctor used so many medicines he didn't know which one worked.
At the psychiatrists office a homely woman came in depressed. "I'm lonely. I have no friends. Doctor can you help me accept my ugliness?"
Psychatrist: "I think I can. Go lay face down on the couch."
Socialized Medicine is where the psychiatrist lays down on the couch with you.
Hypochondriac: Someone who takes different pills than you do.
Hypocrite: Someone who complains about sex, drugs and violence on their VCR.
Hospital bills now are divided into parts and labor.
If laughter was the best medicine doctors would find a way to
charge for it.
We need a good affordable disease.
My artificial kidney got kidney stones.
Germs attack the weakest part of your body--the head.
Get well cards are so much fun people are trying to get sick.
Modern day prescription--take one pill as often as you can afford it.
Side effect of new wonder drugs--Bankruptcy.
Say what you want about managed health care. It's given us more ulcers.
I caught the bouquet at a funeral.
Said by a Man: My health insurance policy only pays if I get
pregnant.
The latest managed care program was named after a pizza parlor--Shakees.
This managed care movement is picking up steam. That's what happens when you're going down hill.
Car dealers are your friends. Now have a new car sickness pill.
Take one before each payment.
If you don't take some kind of pill your colleagues will think
you're over confidant.
The country is picking up steam. Doctors are steamed,
pharmaceutical companies are steamed, and the public is steamed.
Did you hear about the two podiatrists who were arch rivals.
Podiatrists are good at thinking on your feet.
Sign in podiatrist's office "Toe Zone.
Podiatrists have a real foothold on the medical profession.
Thanks to the tremendous strides in medicine people are living longer. This gives them the extra time needed to pay their medical bills.
The doctor said to let him know how my prescription works because he's having the same problem himself.
What's the death rate? One to a person.
My inner child was adopted.
The new drugs are so exciting I feel like I'm missing something by being in good health.
Drug abuse used to be two doses of castor oil.
Penicillin has been called the "wonder drug" because any time the doctor wonders what you have, that's what you get.
To find out what your doctor recommends just watch TV. It's a lot cheaper.
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